So, I’m really starting to wonder if I’m cut out for ‘step parenting’. It only took half a day with the kid for me to melt down. I just don’t get it. I rarely let an adult push my buttons, how does a 12 year old kid have such an easy time getting under my skin? I’m getting so worried that if I can’t get my shit together and not let his attacks get to me I’m going to lose the love of my life. I feel so bad about not being the influence I should be, and that I’m just acting like a kid when gets to me. I had to leave last night and take a drive to cool down. I threw up twice because I was so shaken. I sent messages to both of my parents this morning apologizing for being difficult and snotty as a kid. Now I truly know how it must have felt to them when I said things weren’t good enough in my childhood. Man, I was naive back then.